KMMC works to determine the exact issue or cause and provide guidance and alternatives to 1) help mitigate the problem, and 2) implement sustainable solutions that support teams, leadership, and customers. Here is an example to understand how we have helped turn difficult experiences into productive interpersonal outcomes.
Trust. What an elusive yet necessary quality needed for a productive existence. Imagine for a moment how life might differ if people were able to function from a place of trust. Just think of how it would feel to know that every interaction could be trusted. Are you able to accept people, things or situations that may differ from what you currently know or believe? Consider how would it look or feel to exist in an environment or society where trust is the norm. Is this idea conceivable to you, or is it far-fetched and unrealistic?
Our ability to trust is predicated on experience, mental models and beliefs. When trust is readily given and received, chances are these patterns will typically continue. On the other hand, when trust is violated, suspicion creeps in and progress is stifled. Regaining trust once it's gone requires sincere intention, time to heal, forgiveness and a willingness to work toward a harmonious end for all concerned. And despite our best efforts, there are times when trust never returns. Disappointment, hurt, anger or any number of negative emotions connected with the lack of trust has a way of extending beyond those directly involved, wreaking havoc and causing harm. If the outcome of distrust is so destructive, wouldn’t it be beneficial to find ways to foster trust? Try two things: 1) understand what trust is and, 2) become aware of what you believe.
Your capacity to trust, particularly when it has been questioned, is worth investigating. Here is a list that describes trust. Take a look to see how many points with which you identify and practice. Consider that trust is:
Letting others know your thoughts, feelings and reactions and having the confidence that they will respect and not take advantage of you, nor spread what they hear indiscriminately.
Being confident enough to reach out for support when needed and believing others will respond.
Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt or abuse you should you make an error or a mistake.
Feeling confident enough to share your secrets and knowing they are safe.
Knowing that things are fine when there are disagreements and being assured that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and another.
Letting others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, care, and concern.
Opening yourself up to letting others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that you will not be judged or ostracized.
Placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.
Do you see yourself in any of these points? If you agree with most or some part of the descriptions, you are tapping into trust. If your beliefs, behaviors and feelings are not in agreement on most of the points, some level of distrust exists. Rather than judge yourself, recall examples when you lost trust in something or someone; reflect on what provoked negative emotions. This may help you begin to identify reasons why trust is lacking. It may be an uncomfortable thing to do, but it's worth the effort. Give trust a try!
Networking, much like public speaking, is one of those skills that people either enjoy or abhor. When you consider the two skills, the differences are minimal. Think about it, one requires the ability to convey a message to many; the other requires conversing one-on-one or speaking with just a few.
That's about it. Both demand basic communication skills to have a modicum of success. Engaging others and the capacity to think, speak and respond appropriately along with a sense of empathy or compassion are among the must haves to be more comfortable in both. That's it! Your topic, and how it is constructed and delivered are secondary. If you keep this in mind, you'll find that public speaking and networking are not that daunting. You may even join the legions of those who love both!
Get a new attitude, get out of your comfort zone, and pull yourself away from your old and comfortable colleagues to make a new connection by using two principles of networking:
1. Have a mindful mindset
As with most things, the first step is to investigate why you feel the way you do about networking. Perhaps you're not comfortable with small talk, or maybe the idea of networking appears to be self-centered and manipulative. Well, think of small talk as simply that; little, friendly conversations.
There are many things you can do to become proficient at small talk including staying on top of current events, becoming versed in neutral topics and being observant of non-verbal cues.
2. Engage and exchange, don’t invade
What I have found works best is to have a genuine interest in other people and become skilled at questioning to engage (not invade) the other person.
The more interested you are, the more interesting you become. If by chance you are averse to networking because it seems self-centered, you've probably had one too many self-centered, one-way talks with someone whose life and interests are "all about themselves." Who wouldn't be turned off! True networking by definition is an exchange of information. It is meant to be an investment of time and energy that requires minimal effort.
Whether you’re a networking novice or an experienced schmoozer needing a refresher, if you remember these two tips, you’ll be hobnobbing with the best of them by your next social event.
Shortly, I'll share even more ideas to strengthen your colleague connecting skills. In the meantime though, give the idea of networking some thought and practice.
Closing Clue: The art of small talk reaps large rewards!
